Dear people of “Generation Y”, a generation that knows the lyrics to almost every Adele song by heart, but when it comes to it is incapable of love. I think it’s time we have a talk.
I'm a 21 years old guy and I am losing hope. I'm losing hope because the older I get and the more people I meet, the more I believe our generation is doomed to fail in love. In my short but eventful life I've been in three relationships, I've dated around 10 people and flirted with a ton more. I've been cheated on in every relationship I've been in, had my feelings hurt by every person I have ever dated and my feelings have been ‘played with’ by almost every person I have ever shown interest in.
I'm losing hope because the more I look around, the more I come to the understanding that we're all just a bunch of scared beings with a phobia for commitment. We don't let people in, nor do we step out of our bubble and try to love unconditionally. Instead of opening up we lurk from behind the walls we've been building around ourselves since the beginning of our existence, looking for love and running away from it the moment we might have found it.
I'm losing hope because I see everyone around me finding true love but then breaking it instead of cherishing it. Why have we suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love, or worse, forgotten what the concept of love means? Everyone lies and plays games, everyone cheats. There's no exclusiveness, there's no more trust. It's "what have you done for me lately?" or "if I'm unhappy, I'll leave or cheat". What happened to making things work? Who taught us to love like this?
We're not prepared to make sacrifices, to make compromises and to love someone unconditionally. We pretend to be looking for love, but look for excitement and thrill. We want someone who understands us, even in our deepest and darkest silences, but look for it on our smartphones and eventually just "Netflix and chill". My grandparents have been together since they're 16 years old and have been married for over 50 years. They didn't need Tinder or Netflix, they met up after school or in the weekends and felt the need to spend really time together. They went walking in the fields, had conversations without using Facebook, made love instead of sleeping around and most importantly knew how to value their fellow beings. They believed in the beauty of predictability and weren't blinded by the thrill of the 'adventure' we're all hopelessly looking for. They understood that love isn’t meant to be experienced in an instance, but in a lifetime.
If we want to find that sweet, pink and fluffy unconditional love we're all so eagerly looking for, it is time that we all accept a thing or two. We need to understand that the concept of a perfect relationship in which we're happy 24/7 is a luxurious idea. We need to accept that love isn't about text messages or material things but about kindness and forgiveness. Love isn’t and should never be easy. It’s confusing, complex and changes over time. It isn’t something that can be understood, but an incredible feeling that should just be accepted and cherished as it is.
We're all looking for that special person, our significant other that loves us no matter when, no matter what, no matter how. We’re all looking for happiness but don’t realise that it’s something you need to work towards and deserve. Happiness comes when you believe in what you are doing, when you’re being true to yourself and when you treat people with kindness and respect. Let's all stop playing with people's emotions like they are games, open up our hearts and start truly believing in love again. Be brave, love hard and most importantly be honest and kind, even with the people you might believe don't deserve it. Don’t let your egocentricity overtake your ability to feel empathy.
Put down your smartphones filled with dating apps, go out and meet people rather than adding them on Facebook. Have real conversations instead of talking through Snapchat or emoji’s and most importantly don’t be afraid to really give love – with all its ups and downs - a chance. I promise it’s worth it.
Written by Melvin Jonckers — Appeared on Studio Latckers in December ‘16